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i wish i didn't have to watch my dad die a little more every day.… - i've got a brand new pair of roller skates
you got a brand new key

something like a baller
Date: 2009-08-17 15:26
Subject: (no subject)
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i wish i didn't have to watch my dad die a little more every day.

i know it's selfish, but the man who took another man's seed and raised her as his own is dying. the only man who has never disappointed me, the only PERSON who has encouraged me no matter what a fuck-up i was. the man who told me when i was giving birth, and i didn't believe i could do it anymore, he is the one who told me i could. he is leaving me. he is the only one in my family who loves me for who i am, and he won't be here anymore. my heart is feeling a loss that i cannot describe. i wish he could go quickly, instead of dragging it out. i wish my dad knew how much i love him.

and, my entire family is falling apart, and all i can do is pick my dad up off the floor and lie to him about how it's going to get better.

it's not. it won't.

this will be his last birthday, and i can't even admit it to myself, but he knows it.

if there is a god, s/he has no mercy.
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August 2009